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#AutismAtWork

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Johnny Profane Âû<p>"I can focus internally... forever. no time. no space. just passion. and sometimes? genius.</p><p>I can focus externally? 10 minutes? every minute stretched longer and thinner... til I pass the event horizon of exhaustion and head fir the black hole of agony....</p><p>unless I rest and recuperate.</p><p>say? btw. I hear you're hiring. let's talk."</p><p>you know me. you know I want to post this. you know why </p><p>your thoughts</p><p><a href="https://neurodifferent.me/tags/ActuallyAutistic" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>ActuallyAutistic</span></a> <a href="https://neurodifferent.me/tags/AutismAtWork" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>AutismAtWork</span></a></p><p><span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://a.gup.pe/u/actuallyautistic" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>actuallyautistic</span></a></span> <span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://a.gup.pe/u/actuallyadhd" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>actuallyadhd</span></a></span> <span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://a.gup.pe/u/actuallyaudhd" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>actuallyaudhd</span></a></span></p>
Johnny Profane Âû<p>Reality check:</p><p>Doc?</p><p>Up to now, you've just been documenting how modern consumer culture FAILS our neurology.</p><p><a href="https://neurodifferent.me/tags/ActuallyAutistic" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>ActuallyAutistic</span></a> <a href="https://neurodifferent.me/tags/AutismAtWork" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>AutismAtWork</span></a> <a href="https://neurodifferent.me/tags/Psychology" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>Psychology</span></a> <a href="https://neurodifferent.me/tags/MentalHealth" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>MentalHealth</span></a></p><p>Pt 1 Autistic Resilience <a href="https://johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/p/doc-you-got-us-all-wrong-pt-1-autistic" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.co</span><span class="invisible">m/p/doc-you-got-us-all-wrong-pt-1-autistic</span></a></p><p>Pt 2 CBT? Never Worked for Autistic Me… <a href="https://johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/p/doc-you-got-us-all-wrong-pt-2-cbt" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.co</span><span class="invisible">m/p/doc-you-got-us-all-wrong-pt-2-cbt</span></a></p><p>Pt 1 &amp; 2 <a href="https://johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/p/doc-you-got-us-all-wrong-pts-1-and" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.co</span><span class="invisible">m/p/doc-you-got-us-all-wrong-pts-1-and</span></a></p><p><span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://a.gup.pe/u/actuallyautistic" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>actuallyautistic</span></a></span> <span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://a.gup.pe/u/actuallyaudhd" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>actuallyaudhd</span></a></span> <span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://a.gup.pe/u/actuallyadhd" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>actuallyadhd</span></a></span></p>
Johnny Profane Âû<p>We don't need no stinking mentors. <br>Or coaches. <br>Self-help books. <br>Neurodivergent gurus.</p><p>We need to develop our own folk culture. That supports our needs. And pass it on to our children.</p><p>You know... like humans do.</p><p><a href="https://neurodifferent.me/tags/ActuallyAutistic" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>ActuallyAutistic</span></a> <a href="https://neurodifferent.me/tags/Neurodivergent" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>Neurodivergent</span></a> <a href="https://neurodifferent.me/tags/AutismAtWork" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>AutismAtWork</span></a></p><p><span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://a.gup.pe/u/actuallyautistic" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>actuallyautistic</span></a></span> <span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://a.gup.pe/u/actuallyaudhd" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>actuallyaudhd</span></a></span> <span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://a.gup.pe/u/actuallyadhd" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>actuallyadhd</span></a></span></p>
RoundSparrow<p><a href="https://autistics.life/tags/FWakeAutismC" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>FWakeAutismC</span></a> </p><p>I feel the same about <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/AutismAtWork" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>AutismAtWork</span></a> <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/Autism" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>Autism</span></a> <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/Autistic" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>Autistic</span></a> <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/ActuallyAutistic" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>ActuallyAutistic</span></a> </p><p>"And so, emancipation for the negro was really freedom to hunger. It was freedom to the winds and rains of heaven. It was freedom without food to eat or land to cultivate, and, therefore, it was freedom and famine at the same time. And when white Americans tell the negro to lift himself by his own bootstraps, they don't own, they don't look over the legacy of slavery and segregation. I believe we ought to do all we can and seek to lift ourselves by our own bootstraps. But it's a cruel jest to say to a bootless man that he ought to lift himself by his own bootstraps. And many negros by the thousands and millions have been left bootless as a result of all of these years of oppression and as a result of a society that deliberately made his color a stigma and something worthless and degrading." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. </p><p><a href="https://autistics.life/tags/FWakeBootstrap" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>FWakeBootstrap</span></a> <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/FWakeLift" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>FWakeLift</span></a> <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/FWakeLiftSelf" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>FWakeLiftSelf</span></a> <br><a href="https://autistics.life/tags/FWakeCruelJest" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>FWakeCruelJest</span></a> <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/PeopleAsJoke" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>PeopleAsJoke</span></a> <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/Stigma" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>Stigma</span></a> <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/FWakeStigma" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>FWakeStigma</span></a> <br><a href="https://autistics.life/tags/FWakeWorthless" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>FWakeWorthless</span></a> <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/FWakeDegrading" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>FWakeDegrading</span></a> <br><a href="https://autistics.life/tags/FWakeSkinColor" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>FWakeSkinColor</span></a> </p><p>The whole idea of "Freedom" in a world of 8 billion people all in competition. </p><p>That's exactly what went on in Nazi Germany.</p><p>::: Who Teaches MORALITY? <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/WhoTeachesMorality" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>WhoTeachesMorality</span></a> ?</p><p>Who teaches <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/AutismMorality" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>AutismMorality</span></a> ?</p><p>"Severely mentally and physically disabled people, as well as those perceived to have disabilities, were targeted because of Nazi beliefs that disabled people were a burden both to society and to the state. From 1939 to 1941 the Nazis carried out a programme of ‘euthanasia’, known as the T4 programme. The name T4 is an abbreviation of Tiergartenstrasse 4, the address from which the programme was coordinated." <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/FWakeT4" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>FWakeT4</span></a> </p><p><a href="https://autistics.life/tags/Tiergartenstrasse" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>Tiergartenstrasse</span></a> /\</p>
Johnny Profane Âû<p>The fact that we look just like them? doesn't help.</p><p>To straight society we look... maybe speak... too MUCH like them.</p><p>So we autistics inhabit that same "ai-generated uncanny valley" that freaks them out so much. Handsome... with extra fingers. Professionals... with our Dockers on backwards.</p><p>As if we were "them" in Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Sparking the Creeps. Horror. Pitchforks.</p><p>And the harder we try to look like them? The more uncanny our mask looks. To them.</p><p>In a way? Dropping the mask... really... entirely? </p><p>Might be the smartest survival play of all time.</p><p>Maybe... let your freak flag fly, baby.</p><p>It is the only strategy worked... for me. Took me at least 6 years. Of exhausting work... simplifying my life. And painful mistakes.</p><p>So I can't recommend some fucking system to you. We all are different. Different situations. Skills.</p><p>But maybe? Bears thinking about?</p><p>Every step of my journey… hard as it was… decreased my pain. And today was worth it.</p><p><a href="https://neurodifferent.me/tags/AutismAtWork" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>AutismAtWork</span></a> <a href="https://neurodifferent.me/tags/ActuallyAutistic" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>ActuallyAutistic</span></a></p><p><span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://a.gup.pe/u/actuallyautistic" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>actuallyautistic</span></a></span> <span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://a.gup.pe/u/actuallyaudhd" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>actuallyaudhd</span></a></span> <span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://a.gup.pe/u/actuallyadhd" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>actuallyadhd</span></a></span></p>
Johnny Profane Âû<p>my autistic life...</p><p>failing upward toward collapse...?</p><p>succeeding downward toward joy...?</p><p>it's a quantum thing. the answer is simply...</p><p>yes.</p><p><a href="https://neurodifferent.me/tags/AutismAtWork" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>AutismAtWork</span></a> <a href="https://neurodifferent.me/tags/WorkSpace" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>WorkSpace</span></a> <a href="https://neurodifferent.me/tags/WorkSpacePoetry" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>WorkSpacePoetry</span></a></p><p>I've been reflecting.</p><p>I do not write about every autist's experience. I write about what I know. my own. </p><p>Like many writers, I hope I reflect on and communicate the universal in my precisely observed grain of sand. </p><p><span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://a.gup.pe/u/actuallyautistic" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>actuallyautistic</span></a></span> <span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://a.gup.pe/u/actuallyadhd" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>actuallyadhd</span></a></span> <span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://a.gup.pe/u/actuallyaudhd" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>actuallyaudhd</span></a></span></p>
Johnny Profane Âû<p>Task avoidance.</p><p>I do emphatically NOT have a solution to offer. Or sell. </p><p>I have call... a request?... for action. </p><p>To do lists and behavior mod ain't working. Let's do something... different?</p><p>I'm autistic. ADHD. I've observed my avoidant behaviors... crippling, disabling behaviors... for some decades.</p><p>Around deadlines. Promises. External commitments...</p><p>One career they destroyed? Mental health counseling. I savor the irony.</p><p>Cuz I've read, studied, applied, and even taught so many systems... meant to support these behaviors. Tried to create a half dozen or so for myself.</p><p>I'm a slow learner of new things. But I learned one lesson. Hard. Deep. Hurtful.</p><p>Insight ain't all it's cracked up to be. </p><p>We're all full up with executive functioning here. Our CPU... and GPU...? Both red lining.</p><p>I can't add ONE monitoring task without crashing. Not. One.</p><p>Knowing deep in my bones the symptoms of my impending avoidance, their causes, many techniques that "have worked for many"... </p><p>I have not been able to change the result.</p><p>All I get to do is... watch. Time after intermittent time. That's it. Sometimes I can work. Sometimes I cannot.</p><p>Support systems that I'm familiar with have failed me. Every one. Just given me demeaning, pathological names for my inherent nature.</p><p>Please no “helpful” diagnosed of PDA in the comments?</p><p>Oddly? This reminds me of this story...</p><p>I was just trying to sell my computer magazine in the mid 1990s. Unix World. Business to business computer rag.</p><p>I'm sitting in the Berkeley Peet's Coffee talking to a tech investor guru name I won't drop. Sparing all concerned embarrassment. It's going well. We're talking numbers. Detailed questions. I'm getting excited. He's smiling.</p><p>Suddenly. He taps the table. "So this all looks... interesting." Looks up from the VisiCalc spreadsheet. I remember gentle gray eyes. "Question."</p><p>"Yeah?" I'm ready for him to talk price. For my publishing company, staff, subscribers... ya know, valuables.</p><p>"Say... I buy this thing." He pauses. "I have staff. Pros. You're editor &amp; publisher." </p><p>He sips his straight American coffee. It was a fad for a moment. A reaction against elitist caffeine. Along with coders refusing to wear ties. Looks away. Then...</p><p>"What do see *you* doing?"</p><p>Yeah. Instant brain freeze. Tied tongue. Stammering. Hello Neuro-Darkness, my old friend...</p><p>"Well... I'm. I'm... the idea man. I'm the heart and soul...of this thing." Think. *What's he want from me?*</p><p>I blurt out, " I'll make you...I'll make you... a ton of money."</p><p>Mother of All Awkward Pauses. In this life, anyway...</p><p>"Everybody's got ideas, son. It's who can execute them." Pause. Sets his empty cup of tragically unpretentious joe down.</p><p>"Listen, let's both think about that. I might like to buy your idea." Beat. Beat...</p><p>"I'll be in touch."</p><p>Never happened.</p><p>Not every article must have a moral. Or a to do list. Or a solution. </p><p>Sometimes I think a call to action suffices.</p><p>I do emphatically NOT have a solution to offer. Or sell. </p><p>I have call... a request?... for action. </p><p>To do lists and behavior mod ain't working. Not 7 Easy Game-Changing Habits I Just Invented. Not Nothing’s Getting Done(NGD™)...</p><p>Let's do something... different?</p><p><a href="https://neurodifferent.me/tags/AutismAtWork" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>AutismAtWork</span></a></p><p><span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://a.gup.pe/u/actuallyautistic" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>actuallyautistic</span></a></span> <span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://a.gup.pe/u/actuallyadhd" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>actuallyadhd</span></a></span> <span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://a.gup.pe/u/actuallyaudhd" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>actuallyaudhd</span></a></span></p>
Loops 🍑 :audhd: :ir:<p>7 days.</p><p>I lasted 7 days this time. </p><p>It wasn’t personal, or course. It was just everything about the way I communicate and who I am. </p><p>Just not a fit.</p><p>:blobcat_weary: </p><p>I really thought it was going well this time. </p><p>Remember, <a href="https://neurodifferent.me/tags/AutismAcceptance" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>AutismAcceptance</span></a> means accepting people even if you don’t know they’re autistic. Working with them, not cutting them loose. Human beings take time. </p><p><a href="https://neurodifferent.me/tags/ActuallyAutistic" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>ActuallyAutistic</span></a> <a href="https://neurodifferent.me/tags/Neurodivergence" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>Neurodivergence</span></a> <a href="https://neurodifferent.me/tags/AutismAtWork" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>AutismAtWork</span></a></p><p><span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://a.gup.pe/u/actuallyautistic" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>actuallyautistic</span></a></span></p>